Thursday, October 26, 2006
hey, women, if I can see you it makes me want to commit rape, get back in the kitchen where you belong:
that's what my cleric told me
teh gayz, TEH GAYZ! THEY'RE GONNA GETZ TEH MARRAGEZ!!1one! GO VOTE!!
but Mom, everybody else is torturing:
the diamond age is upon us:
hang on Hubble!
the Russians are having docking problems, obviously they didn't check their email first:
the government is testing sound warfare in New Zealand:
today's horror story, AL GORE IN SSSSSPPPAAAACCCEEEE!
Nintendo up, Sony down...Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
history would never reveal why DVD Jon would be more popular than DVDA Jon:
technology at work for you, Discrimi-Nav, avoid all those pesky (insert racial group here):
not getting enough sex? try Nuclear Weapons(tm)! the all-new homeopathic remedy from Kim Jong-il:
forget the mouse, use your eyes:
fruit roll-ups: old and busted, teh new hawtness: roll-up displays
damn the cigars! war is a sucker born every minute:
these Ethiopians need to understand that internation corporations know what's best for us, that's why they pay all those politicians:
sexsomniacs fear not, help is on the way:
get ready for the new 14-blade Gillette FusionUltraKrazyMachEliminator:
and the Onion has been proven prescient:
I got your bling right here!
Supersoaker mods for the adventurous among you:
FINISH HIM!! SCIENTOLOGY!!
this is a new finishing move in Mortal Kombat: Impossible starring Tom Kruise
flat TVs with amazing pictures, high contrast, blah blah blah:
these have been "coming out soon" longer than the aforementioned celebrity
and the winner of the youtube video of the day goes to:
The Daily Schadenfreude:
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
It's election time folks, that wonderful, feel-good time of the year where we all get to bitch about how horrible the government is and then promptly do nothing about it. The apathy of America come election time is much the same as the leaves changing color in the Northeast. Everybody loves to comment on it and vows that they're gonna make it out there "one of these days" but the only people who do make it out are the people who live there (and hate having to rake the damn leaves) and those retired people who have too much time on their hands (and have nothing better to do). Endless hours will be spent on every news outlet discussing ad nauseam every detail of the election: page scandals and who knew what when, foreign policy or lack there-of, staying the course or pulling out (Republicans have yet to stage the mother-of-all arguments against this one), fences, "nucular" weapons (Iran and the guy with the platform shoes), oil prices, security vs. rights, etc. But for all the hot air blowing in the media, the cold air seems to keep people at home come election time. Voter turnout among the younger demographics has always been lackadaisical at best. Sadly, most younger people fail to grasp how the issues of today are going to have grave consequence for them in years to come. Simply put, today's screw-ups will be paid out of the pockets of the younger generations for decades to come. The octogenarians who play the power game have the distinct advantage of being able to reap the benefits, blame their failure to sow on mental decline, then kick off before the next winter. Meanwhile, we of the younger generations are left holding the bag of flaming dog poo, unable to ring the geezers' bells before they croak. We're the ones who will pay off the $9 Trillion dollar debt, go without Social Security, (hopefully) fight to regain our lost rights, wean the country off foreign energy, and rebuild our standing in the international community. God help us. In the meantime, there's plenty of "The Simple Life" and "American Idol" on the Tivo, lots of trendy, formulaic pop songs on the iPod, and loads of "friends" waiting for you to post your latest drunken escapades on Facebook...better get to it, these things don't take care of themselves.
Stealing an Election 101: or how I learned to stop worrying and love democracy
and if that doesn't work for ya, just skew the media however you like:
Russia opposes the current sanctions draft for Iran:
mainly because they have alot of money tied up there, specifically in constructing a NUCLEAR REACTOR:
clearly they are unbiased in this situation
how free is your expression?
Canucks...the tree-huggin', freedom-hatin', weed-tokin', socialist-healthcare-givin' neighbors to the north are just a bunch of sissies:
(today's inappropriate joke is brought to you by the makers of Head-on; remember, apply directly to the forehead, failure to apply to the forehead can result in nausea, dizziness, low sperm count, mood swings, indigestion, and possible heart attack, use as directed)
Michael J. Fox shakes up the election race with a new tv ad:
but fear not, Red-staters; Jesus, Ray's wife, and some important sports figures are on the case to give the issue a shakedown:
don't forget kids, if Jesus wanted you to be like normal people, he wouldn't have given you all those diseases
I like how Kurt Warner dismisses the idea, "well California spent $6Billion and they won't see results for 15yrs, obviously its not worth it, I mean, who wants to wait 15yrs for something?"
blogging on attack from all sides:
what's more fun than Republican's children embarassing them? not much!
I could go on, but enough fun for one day, next time Dems take the seat
Friday, October 13, 2006
doing anything or saying anything about North Korea is an act of war:
ah crap, I just committed an act of war
but can they really do something about it?
another good breakdown of the situation:
damn the torpedoes, stay the course; and don't pay any attention to that silly death report, those guys totally made that up and people who make stuff up are bad people:
and now for the science:
and the counter:
good news! the deficit is the smallest its been in FOUR WHOLE YEARS!
uh, well, maybe its not that good:
but perhaps things aren't so bad:
nope, we're boned:
just remember kids, when you have things like "numbers" and "statistics" you can make them say whatever you want. and if they don't say what you want you can just say the people who produced them are full of crap ( see above). or you can just add a couple of days here and there and call it a day instead:
the justice department is considering bringing treason charges against an American fighting with al Qaeda:
perhaps its time for a history lesson and try and figure out why they didn't charge the last guy with treason and instead issued a gag order forbidding him from talking about treatment in US custody:
and speaking of not being able to speak, don't back talk Cheney, he don't like it:
I just wonder how much longer I have till they come for me
Mark Warner steps out of the '08 running, so much for a decent candidate that can get something positive done:
Arun, this is your fault, you need to go talk to this guy
this week's invadable country:
what news did you not read this week?
the Apple NY store is an insult to Islam, its a cube, the Kaaba is a cube...you see the connection:
welcome to the United States of Islam, where muslims can discriminate against whoever they don't like, but we can't pull them out of a line in the airport for additional screening:
I think the phrase "double standard" is lost on them
nice to know that the government is doing it's job protecting us from monopolies and Big Business:
and that they make sure we have enough money to live:
forget global warming, watch out for changes in Earth orbit:
and what if we all vanished today? what would happen to Earth:
lawyers work for the good of the people (people here are defined as lawyers):
video games are a public nuisance:
buy a DVD, play it on anything but a PC:
get ready for TV with frickin' laser beams in it:
cue horrible joke (I can't help myself!!);
I don't get why everyone is making such a big deal out of a Lidle crash:
STRAIGHT to hell, yes sir, STRAIGHT to hell...
I'll say this much for the first time, thank goodness for carbon dioxide emissions:
I want to say I already reported this, but DEAR GOD, they'll deep fry anything:
that having been said, I still want to try it
but has all that deep-fried goodness made you a fatass? then you're in luck! get ready for "negative calories", brought to you by the same Coca-Cola:
vigilante justice, just the way momma used to serve it:
now you may think I'm a terrible person for laughing my ass off at this one, but I will point out that if this lady were 40yrs younger you'd all be laughing with me so we'll just assume all that extra time will heal her wounds because she probably doesn't have much left as it is, that being said, I present the Daily Schadenfreude:
I'm absolutely sure that the postal worker was joking around with her, noting the obvious that an almost 90yr old grandmother is probably the least likely person to be going on some jihad, and she can't take a joke
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Oompa Loompa doopadee doo, I've got another email for you, oompa loompa doopadee dee, if you don't read it I will kill ye
oh? there are other members of the Axis of Evil(tm) besides Iraq? well I'll be damned:
and this is all Bush's fault, the internet told me so:
only $1.65Billion? what a steal!
Welcome to the Googlenet formally known as the internet.
Sony to combat North Korean nukes and terrorism with Blu-ray discs:
a senior official had this to say "who would want to jihad and launch nukes when you could watch Click on Blu-ray? Now Adam Sandler, that guy is FUNNY!"
and ladies and gentlemen, once again, the "format war" has reached a stalemate:
now we just have to wait till HI-DVD and Holo-ray discs come a courtin' for another format war battle
generating power with kites:
didn't Ben Franklin already do that?
oh no! Qatari FM says Hamas rejects two key points in Doha initiative!
what the hell does that MEAN??
a gel that can stop bleeding during surgery reducing operation time by half, BRILLANT!!
or you can just use good ol' maggot juice:
good news everyone, we may be able to pay for health care after all:
this is going to be a freaking awesome game:
I eat at Al's Mediterranean Deli and Grill alot, that'll stop Alzheimer's right?
I eat at Al's Mediterranean Deli and Grill alot, that'll stop Alzheimer's right?
the Bush Administration to use The Brangelina Effect to defuse tensions with the North Koreans:
I bet you remember hearing about the holographic hard drive the government had back in the 80's:
wow, its got a 100 jiggabytes of memory storage, I wonder if it goes 88mph?
and apparently they didn't store that video clip on it either
get out your plumber's gloves boys and girls, the real Super Mario game is here:
and if you don't feel like doing actual physical activity while gaming, fear not, the brain controller is here:
for you ladies out there, how to live with a Southern Man:
these planes will have more than meets the eye:
magnetic power generation? or another hoax?
remember, be kind, rewind!
holy crap, beer flavored chips:
a Daily Schadenfreude worth every penny:
oh I remember that commercial: